Where are all the Women?

Integrating the mature Feminine into the mature Masculine for a viable Future

Photo by Benjamin Starostka Jakobsen on Unsplash

John Stokdijk of Metamodern Wannabes recently posted an illuminating article entitled New Horizons. In it he recounts an online conversation about existential risk in which he observed: “Of the 13 participants attending today, 12 are men. Where are all the women?” I was in that zoom room and this is my perspective:

Although I had heard this comment before in similar situations, it struck me differently this time and I had to honestly ask myself: “Where are we?”

At first, I came up with a typical answer:

“We have more immediate responsibilities to attend to, like caring for our families and friends.”

“On top of this, we have careers to juggle, households to manage, and birthdays to remember.”

“Besides, our interests often tend toward the relational as opposed the abstract so participating a meeting with a bunch of guys tossing around ideas isn’t really our cup of tea.”

However, when I leaned into the question further, I realized that the answer was far more complex and significant than this. Even when women are present in these online discussions centered around complex topics, like the meta-crisis, many rarely speak. So why is that?

Photo by Greg Rakozy on Unsplash

During the past couple of years interacting in the Liminal Web, I have regularly encountered what has been referred to as the galaxy brain. It locates its target, takes aim, and then, with confidence and determination, finds its mark in an attempt to manifest a solution that is both concrete and relevant.

Although as a woman I do not naturally identify with this approach to life, I marvel at how many men do. They seem to experience an inner pressure to express themselves and their ideas, and while many squirm in the face of awkward silence, most do not hesitate to share their opinions without obvious self-concern even when other voices go silent.

I must admit, I do not object to this masculine energy filling up the space in our online discussion rooms. However, I am feeling an increasing sense of urgency to take a stand for what I experience as the mature feminine — because I sense she is here and has been all along. And although she may not be as visible as her masculine counterpart, she is no less important and certainly no less real.

Photo by Noah Buscher on Unsplash

You see, while the masculine essence is active, the feminine essence is receptive. In her purest form, she can be considered the Ground of Being and as every woman who has experienced motherhood knows, she is fundamental to the existence of all living beings. She begins by consenting to life, then allows it to gestate inside of her, and when it is formed, she labors to bring it forth into the world. But that’s not all. She then devotes years of herself to nurturing this new life before, once again, handing it over to the world with no guarantees of its success, let alone, its survival.

This act of faith does not come easily. It requires commitment, fortitude, and trust. It is often thankless but it is always necessary. And as almost every mother will attest, it is one of the most profound and transformative experiences of her life.

Although many women, especially mothers, have an embodied sense of it, the feminine, like the masculine, is psychologically accessible to all of us. This “holding space” for emergence is to the feminine what “manifesting” reality is to the masculine. By integrating these gifts in ourselves, we allow these energies to dance in and between us.

This dance is no less active than it is receptive. It says “I am here for you, and, at the same time, I am here for me.” When we hold this delicate tension between I and Thou, we have the possibility of not only appreciating our differences but also midwifing something new.

Why is all this important? Because, as Daniel Schmatchenberger in his Consilience Project warns, our world is facing a existential crisis of exponential growth that is in danger of exceeding our planetary boundaries.

Therefore, we must reconsider our drive towards quantity, as Alexander Beiner points out in Reality Eats Culture for Breakfast. The masculine inclination to manifest must be balanced by the feminine stance to hold. Because when we strike this balance, we align ourselves with Reality. When we do, we find something of great value. What we find is Quality.

In other words, for our individual and collective actions to be truly life-affirming, we will need to value quality at least as much as quantity. This is where the dance comes in. Engaging in the dance between the masculine and the feminine is how we align ourselves with Life.

pexels-gelatin-6357186.

So the next time we engage others into a discussion about existential risk (or anything else, for that matter), let me humbly suggest that we be mindful of how we enter into the conversation. How we engage with the ideas being shared. How we interact with each other. And most importantly, how we align ourselves with Reality itself. There may not be a woman present, and even if she is, she may not speak up. But I promise you the feminine (in you and in me) is listening. She is holding space. And she is waiting.

Because a future without her is a future that does not exist.