The War Within - and the War Without
embracing difference as a path to collective survival
“We seem to be replaying an evolutionary struggle that has gone on for millions of years… The total war is between two modes of being: cooperating/liberating/accepting versus controlling/exploiting/dominating. The war is also between feminine and masculine traits, between Tao and non-Tao, and between maturity/internalized ethics/wisdom and immaturity/externally defined morality/intelligence.” - Daniel Pinchbeck in Total War
Differences exist.
A beach is different from a mountain.
Night is different from day.
Meat is different from vegetables.
The beginning is different from the end.
The same applies to human beings.
A child is different from an adult.
A woman is different from a man.
Wisdom is different from brilliance.
Power is different from force.
Difference is alluring. Ask anyone who has ever fallen in love. Our similarities may draw us toward one another, but it’s our differences that keep us engaged.
Appreciating difference is at the heart of eros - and we all know where eros takes us. Without the spark of difference, we are merely involved with ourselves, and that doesn’t take us far - emotionally, relationally, or even reproductively speaking.
This is where curiosity comes in, where we lean in and ask:
“What is it like to be you?”
When we do, we realize that while you and I are far more similar than we are different, where we are different, we are truly different.
When we meet difference wholeheartedly, we are stimulated, nourished, and given the opportunity to grow - both internally, as we confront our own biases, and externally, as we expand our perceptions of reality.
But for real growth to happen, we need something essential:
We need to cultivate healthy, reliable ways to negotiate our differences.
Inquiry is one of those ways. When we inquire, we begin to integrate what has been missing in our psyches, piecing ourselves together in a way that allows all the different aspects of ourselves to find their rightful place at our psychological table:
We welcome the child within by connecting with our tenderness and our pain.
We acknowledge the inner critic as the part of us trying to keep us safe from external interference.
We embrace our impulses and desires as the kindling for our aliveness.
We honor our hopes and dreams as a guiding light toward a viable future.
These inner tensions, when left unacknowledged, spill outward into the world as “us vs. them.”
So I agree. We are in a total war - with ourselves, and now, with each other. If we fail to recognize this truth, we are likely to destroy ourselves. Therefore, we don’t have time to waste. Look around you. How are you different from others? How is the world different from you? When we engage difference, we realize that, at the core, we all want the same things:
Peace
Security
Fulfillment
Respect
Dignity
And, above all, love.
When we recognize our shared longings, we can begin negotiating ways in which everyone’s fundamental needs can be met. Because in the end, it is not difference that divides us. It is our fear of it.
And that is something we can change.