Losing My Religion

To make room for the "next elegant step"

True freedom, it turns out, is to give up your will and follow God’s. - Paul Kingsnorth in The Cross and The Machine

Public intellectuals converting to Christianity seems to be a trend nowadays. It began with Jordan Peterson speaking extensively about the Bible, followed by Ayaan Hirsi Ali and Paul Kingsworth, having both been atheists, declaring their Christian faith. Now, it's Jordan Hall, one of the pioneers of Game B, who recently shared his conversion story. While the first three intellectuals caught my attention, the last one hit close to home as I consider him a leader of one of the tribes I feel a part of. Jordan Hall’s announcement left me pondering: Am I allergic to religion or am I simply unaware of the religion I am affiliated with?

In Jordan Hall Converts to Christianity, Paul VanderKlay, a minister in the Christian Reformed Church of North America, says:

“Most of us are not aware of the worldviews that we interact in the world with. This is our religion, our operating system.”

We all carry frames that help us make sense of the world. Without them, we would be so overwhelmed as to be rendered incapacitated by the enormous amount of stimuli coming in through our five senses. The initial frame is our personality, which is comprised of our inborn temperament interacting with our early physical and social environment to create a habitual way of viewing and interacting with the world.

Over our lifetimes, we integrate other mental frames into our personalities. They arise from our experiences - the people we hang out with, the places we frequent, and the things (bio-psycho-social) we absorb. In other words, as we shift, so do our frames.

Post-modernism, like the title of the popular song in the 90s, "Losing My Religion," encourages the deconstruction of everything into its particular parts. In doing so, we lose meaning because meaning is derived from context. Without context, there is no relationship; and with no relationship, there is no relatedness. Without relatedness, nothing matters. This is where nihilism stands at our psychological front door, leaving us no place to go from here.

It is no surprise then that we are in a meaning crisis, nor is it surprising that we are revisiting the stories upon which our culture is built in our attempt to bring its context back into our awareness. I see Jordan Hall as no different from us in this regard.

Paul VanderKlay goes on to explain:

“Jordan Hall and his wife and daughter have been on a quest to find a new way - to live a new way.”

While I deeply appreciate Christianity as a grand narrative and psychological framework, I have yet to declare it as my primary frame, although there some indications that it is. However, I do identify with the notion of conversion, especially if it’s expanded to include the sudden shift in frame. It has happened to me several times, and these experiences have changed the trajectory of my life: when I met my husband for the first time and then when my children were born, to name a few.

While these shifts can be relatively benign, some can be quite traumatic. I experienced a conversion experience when I had a near-fatal bicycle accident while navigating the crossing of busy highway. In all likelihood, I should have died, but the drivers in all four lanes managed to coordinate stopping their cars instantly, allowing me to pick myself up off the pavement and miraculously continue on. The profound sense of interconnectedness I experienced in that moment was akin to universal love. Needless to say, this experience left me fundamentally changed.

These are instances in which my life suddenly transitioned from one path to another, seamlessly connecting like hyperlinks. These conversion experiences required that I let go of my usual way of thinking and being, allowing something greater than myself - some called it “God” - to take the reins, so to speak.

If embracing religion entails letting go, then I believe we should all consider doing so occasionally. Our religions require updating, and we achieve this by bringing our attention to the relationships we engage in. But we shouldn't stop there. Relationships are agreements and, therefore, can become static. Relatedness, however, is dynamic. It's about how I affect you and how you affect me. In other words, how we relate matters. By paying attention to this process, we uncover natural points of entry and exit in our lives, providing us with opportunities to embrace change. This is living dynamically and this gives our lives meaning.

I anticipate that we will hear more and more people sharing their conversion stories as they endeavor to fill the void created by the meaninglessness that postmodernism leaves in its wake. While this spaciousness continues to be helpful in enabling us to rearrange the pieces of life in a new way, let us each take the time to do this in our own unique manner in order to make room for “the next elegant step,” as Ria Baeck founder of Collective Presencing says. Grand narratives play a crucial role in social cohesion and the formation of culture. However, it's essential to recognize that they are comprised of numerous deeply personal narratives that collectively form and delicately shape a Whole.