As the wars in Ukraine and Gaza continue, thoughts of "Lysistrata" keep coming to mind. In this ancient Greek comedy by Aristophanes, the protagonist, Lysistrata, devises a bold plan to end the Peloponnesian War by persuading women to withhold sex from their husbands and lovers. Surprisingly, the men agree to negotiate peace, highlighting the women’s power to enact social change. Although this kind of coordinated effort seems far out of reach, I find myself dreaming of the potential for such an innovative plan.
In his series "Future of Peace," Jonathan Rowson writes:
“Peace is not merely preferable but also more interesting, challenging, and imaginative than war.”
I wholeheartedly agree. However, for peace to fully take hold, I have a sense we must "flip" our current orientation to align ourselves to a radically new set of priorities and values. I envision the mature feminine spirit at the center of such a possibility.
All life is based upon need. Grounded in the aspect of ourselves that extends outward to life and utilizes our heart connection to recognize and address the needs of the world, the feminine archetype is often symbolized by an idealized female figure due to its association with a woman's reproductive capacity to give birth and nurture life. Resembling a perfect mother, this archetype generously gives to others without expecting anything in return for herself.
However, in reality we understand that this kind of unrestrained giving, helping, and gifting is unattainable. Everyone has needs, including her. Furthermore, everyone has limitations, and so does she.
Although I have a strong identification with the feminine archetype, with life experience I have outgrown relationships that rely on this idealized yet immature manifestation of femininity, especially those that reinforce immature forms of masculinity. Instead, I am consciously putting my energy into nurturing personal relationships and public spaces where the mature feminine spirit flourishes.
Those inhabiting the mature feminine spirit no longer rely on being needed as a means to validate their self-worth. Instead, they fully embrace responsiveness, possessing the capacity to respond to situations according to their demands rather than react from unresolved psychological pain. This transition is possible by moving beyond relationships to incorporate a state of relatedness.
While relationships focus on specific social agreements and habitual relational patterns, relatedness consists of a dynamic process of negotiation between ourselves and each other. In this manner, relatedness involves considering the vulnerability of others as well as embracing our own vulnerabilities. By including ourselves in the compassionate care we extend to others, the mature feminine spirit acknowledges boundaries — the place where we end and others begin. This aspect is not merely a psychologically integrated trait; it's a feature of our biology.
Similar to how a cell membrane permits the entry of what is healthy while keeping threats to life out, our boundaries act as gatekeepers through which we decide how and for what purpose we interact with the environment, including other people. Once we become aware of this existential truth, we acknowledge our limits, attend to our needs, and, most importantly, have the ability to uphold our values. Only then do we possess the potential to be a true force for positive change in the world.
As Melody Beattie, author of Codependency No More, points out:
“While boundaries can be flexible and changeable, they are not flexible and changeable at the expense of our own integrity."
Integrity is central to maturity. It is the quality of being honest, not only with ourselves but also with others. It involves a consistency between our words, actions, and beliefs which entails doing what is good for ourselves and in the best interests of those around us, even when no one is watching. Most significantly, it is a commitment to something greater than ourselves in the face of adversity and temptation.
Lysistrata, like the mature feminine spirit, symbolizes integrity and the courage to challenge our existing way of life in order to safeguard Life itself. Furthermore, she embodies what her lover wants more than war, which is union. Thus, her feminine power lies in recognizing both our individual separateness, stemming from bodily needs and constraints, and our universal yearning to commune not only with another human being but also with what is transcendent.
In The Flip, The Formation, and The Fun, Rowson highlights:
“The flip is therefore neither a premise nor an axiom, but it is a disposition towards the world…almost everything follows indirectly from the flip because it shifts our perspective so fundamentally….(that) it helps us to relate more like a miraculous enchanted relationship….so we are called upon to play our part in relation to a whole that has its own beguiling subjectivity and intersubjectivity.”
Even though it originates in the female reproductive capacity, the mature feminine spirit is ultimately an attitude towards the world, one in which our awareness holds both our uniqueness and our commonality in such a way that, rather than be a source of conflict, our boundaries actually enable us to discern the part we play in the broader context of existence. Because when we do, we are able to authentically approach the world with our heart fully engaged and live a life that fosters inner and outer peace.