Beyond Nihilism

To find the space between

By Pandav Tank on Unsplash

A religious cast of mind sets the human being and human life in the widest context, reminding us of our duties to one another, and to the natural world that is our home; duties, however, that are founded in love, and link us to the whole of existence. The world becomes ensouled. And we have a place in it once more.” (McGilchrist, The Matter with Things, ch 28, p.1283).

When I lose hope, I move. I organize my things. I clean my house. I tend to my garden. And…

I run.

I’ve been a runner for 42 years now. I run religiously everyday and I can’t imagine not having this time to reflect, while deeply inhabiting my body.

However, it’s not easy to motivate myself to run everyday. Sometimes I’m tired. Sometimes I’m sore. Sometimes I‘m pressed for time. And sometimes I just don’t want to…But I push myself to run anyway because I’m almost always better off afterwards than when I started. My emotions calm down, like the stillness of an alpine lake at dawn. And my body relaxes as my muscles give way to the rhythm of my stride, much like a team of rowers whose stroke patterns cohere to glide their boat swiftly across the water. Most significantly, my mind opens to magnificent insights beyond normal thinking. While I run, for the time being, everything is right with the world and I feel whole.

Although I run for physical and mental health, I also run for my spiritual well-being. As a psychotherapist I spend much of my work week listening to my clients’ difficulties, not to mention many hours afterwards reflecting on how I might help them actualize themselves. And when I am done, I come face-to-face with my own problems, insecurities, and dreams.

However, lately I have been struggling more with life outside of myself than the one within, trying to make sense of a world that no longer has clear boundaries, nor an inspiring communal narrative. Increasingly, it seems that our collective body is in danger of catastrophic heart failure and we can do little to prevent it from occurring.

So I go back to running or, more specifically, connection — connection to not just myself but to something beyond myself. And I don’t necessarily mean in the ordinary ways we connect with other people. In fact, there are so many ways to connect these days that this, in itself, contributes to my feeling overwhelmed and disconnected.

The connection I am seeking is not an “up and out” connection with the curated images of others or the countless bits of information found online. Rather, the connection that I am longing for is the “in and down” connection — one that is deeply fulfilling, rich with potential, and mysteriously intuitive.

What makes this connection so difficult to establish is that it takes trust that it exists, patience to cultivate, and faith that once it is found that it will never be lost. Some refer to it as connecting to something greater than the self, a broad kind of attention, akin to “the Sacred”. However, I find it more useful to describe this connection as leaning into a space between — that intimate space between you and me, here and there, now and then, and start to end. The precious space from which everything is born and to which all returns. The nourishing space where conscious relating finds its roots and which brings me back to these relationships over and over again. And the generative space that I fear is under threat by the tremendous pressure of market incentives that are pushing us towards ever greater economic growth at the cost of having to shield our tender hearts and leave our most cherished values behind.

So I run everyday to remain connected — connected to myself, and more importantly, to stay connected with, what the cognitive scientist, John Vervaeke calls, “the really real”. To breathe in cool air and feel warm sunshine. To gaze upon beautiful blossoms and hear young hawks sing. And to remember that there is so much more to Life than my personal concerns, that there is a space between…I invite you to lean into this space as well and connect with something real. And perhaps, you will find hope, too.